


I hate how much I love you

by Mrsxfredweasley



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:48:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27989481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrsxfredweasley/pseuds/Mrsxfredweasley
Summary: You always went for the wrong kind of guy. This time, it might actually kill you.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

You never talked about your family. Not In school, not in your adult life. They didn’t need to know. They didn’t need to know who you were or where you came from or that your brother couldn’t be bothered after your parents died so you ended up in the care of your Aunt who wasn’t really your Aunt. They didn’t need to know that you had to work twice as hard to get to where you were, or the countless hours of therapy you endured because of it. Nobody needed to know how broken you were.

Or that your last name was Stark.

Maybe that's why you always went for the wrong kind of guys. The kind that were dangerous. the kind that could kill you. There was danger and mystery in men like that and it was what made you tick.

You took the job with Shield because of Aunt Peggy. She was your role model in every sense of the word. She made you feel like you could have everything you had ever wanted. You just weren’t sure what that was.

Until you watched your brother fly into a hole in the sky and weren’t sure if he’d return.

Then you realized you wanted your brother in your life. You reached out to him after the battle of New York and it turned out he needed you just as much as you needed him. Things were going well, and then the Mandarin happened.

Then Ultron.

The Accords. That was the first time you’d met Bucky Barnes. You had believed that he was innocent, and even though you had signed the Accords, you took Steve’s side that day and ended up in the raft. Tony got you out of course, but you went back to not speaking to each other. His choice, not yours.

Then Thanos happened.

Those five years were really hard on you. Pepper forced Tony to talk to you, and you were there for the birth of your niece, Morgan. You lived at the compound with Nat, and talked to Steve regularly, but the amount of people that had been lost, the friends, no the family that you had lost, took its toll.

So when Ant Man shined a glimmer of hope to bring everyone back, of course you jumped on it.

Nat had died. Tony had died and that broke you. Steve and Bucky helped you heal, and then Steve left, to have a life with Peggy. Everyone you loved was gone.

You threw yourself back into work, alongside Bucky, Sam, and Wanda, Peter when needed, you were the new Avengers.

You became close with Bucky, HE was your best friend. He leaned on you and talked about his Hydra days, and he didn’t do that with anyone. That’s why you couldn’t tell him that you were in love with him. What he needed was a friend.

The first time you saw Bucky twirl a knife in his hand, you were gone. That man was a Greek God. He could kill someone with the flick of his vibranium wrist and you thought it was the hottest thing in the world, not to mention a look that made you need to change your panties when you saw it.

It was supposed to be a simple mission, taking down a Hydra base. They were looking for Zemo, somehow he had escaped custody. Bucky wanted him to pay for framing him for the Vienna Bombing, and you wanted that for him too. Bucky had so much taken from him and you wanted him to just be at peace.

The mission had gone wrong. Before you knew what was happening, Sam and Wanda had been taken down and you were being held as Zemo spoke the trigger words to Bucky. Those words were supposed to be gone. Shuri said she had gotten rid of them. You screamed for Bucky as he tried to right the programming, falling to his knees with his head in his hands, screaming in pain.

It broke your heart to watch him go through this.

The last word was spoken and Bucky went still. Zemo spoke something in Russian to him and Bucky turned to look at you, all emotion gone from his face. The guards let go of you as Bucky started walking toward you.

You tried to move away but Bucky was too fast. You threw a punch, and that surprised him, but pissed him off. He hit you back, hard enough that you hit the ground, seeing stars. He stood over you, and you noticed for the first time just how large he was.

He crouched over you and you went still. His hand closed around your throat and you couldn’t breathe. He was going to kill and you couldn’t stop him, even if you wanted to. You regret not telling him how you felt. You shouldn’t have kept those feelings in for all these years. You didn’t think he could love someone like you. you didn’t think he needed to be with someone broken. Little did you know, you would have been just what he needed.

Tears spilled down your face as you looked up into to his eyes. Even emotionless, they were the most beautiful eyes you'd ever seen. They calmed you, even though you knew you should be fighting back. You didn’t want to. You wanted him to hurt you.

Black spots started clouding your vision and you smiled sadly at him. "I love you Bucky, I always have." You took one last breath before all you saw was black.


	2. chapter 2

Pain.

That’s all you felt.

Wait… you felt it. You weren’t dead. Bucky hadn’t killed you. From the amount of pain you were in, possibly maimed you, but not dead. You heard voices and it strained you a little to understand them.

“Bucky, you need to go sleep man. I’ll come get you when she wakes up.” It was Sam. Was Bucky here?

“I’m not leaving her Sam. I did this to her. I almost killed her.” His voice cracked and you willed yourself to wake up. It wasn’t his fault. He needed to know that. You heard footsteps and a door shut. Sam must have left the room.

**_Come on, wake up._ **

You let out a little groan and there was a hand sliding over yours.

“Doll? Can you hear me? Please wake up.” Bucky said softly. You groaned again and wiggled your fingers in Bucky’s hand. Opening your eyes slowly, you turned your head to see him. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. There were dark circles under his eyes and they were also red rimmed, like he’d been crying.

“Bucky?’ You rasped. Your throat was on fire. Bucky’s breath caught in his throat and he hung his head.

“Oh god. I thought you were…I thought.” He stammered. “I’m so sorry sweetheart.” He cried, putting his head on your hand. You reached your other hand over and ran it through his har, trying to soothe him.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” You whispered.

“I hurt you. I almost killed you.” He said, looking up at you. You tried to sit up, wincing from the pain in the back of your neck, and Bucky was right there, his hand on your back, helping you get into a comfortable position.

He handed you a cup of water, and you winced when you sipped on it, trying to hide it so Bucky wouldn’t see it.

“Bucky listen to me. This was not your fault. I do not blame you. What made you stop?” You asked quietly.

“It was what you said right before you passed out.” He said softly, looking down. “It snapped me back into focus and I let go of you, and Sam flew you to the jet.”

“Oh.” Was all you could say. So, he knew now. Your last words to him, confessing your love, weren’t really your last words, and now you wish you would have died, so you wouldn’t have to live with the embarrassment from the rejection you were about to receive.

“Why have you never told me how you felt?” He asked, causing you to snap your head up at him, which hurt.

“I um…I didn’t want to get hurt. I knew that you deserved someone better than me, and I knew that you wouldn’t feel the same way.”

“Why would you think that? You’re amazing.” He told you.

You were at a loss for words. Was he saying what you thought he was saying? That he felt something for you?

“What are you saying Bucky.” You asked,

He sighed, lacing his fingers in yours. “I’m saying that I love you sweetheart. I think I have from the minute I saw you.”

Your mouth dropped open and you suddenly forgot how to talk. This man, this man that you have loved for years, was telling you that he loved you too. Either this was the greatest day of your life, or you really were dead and this was some reality you made up in the afterlife.

“Are you okay? Did I break you?” He asked, chuckling. You nodded and leaned in, pressing your lips to his, refusing to wait any longer. You had wondered what kissing him would feel like. His lips were soft, and the way his beard scraped your face made a delicious feeling run down your body.

His right hand slid up your arm and into your hair, and you could tell he was being very careful to not jostle you, because he knew you were still in pain. It didn’t matter though. This was worth it. Bucky was here, in front of you, kissing you and it made the pain of everything you’ve been through melt away, like this was always how things were supposed to be.

You let out the tiniest moan and he stilled, pulling back slightly.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him, afraid that you were moving too fast. He smiled at you, that million dollar smile he always gave you, and ran a thumb across your cheek.

“Nothing’s wrong doll, I just want to wait until you’re better so I can get you out of this bed and kiss you properly.” He said with a smirk, and you suddenly had the urge to push your thighs together.

“Well then let’s get a doctor in here to see when I can leave.” You told him, wiggling your eyebrows. He laughed and kissed you on top of your head.

“I love you.” He whispered before turning and going to find a doctor.

“I love you too.”


End file.
